ANOTHER SLEEPLESS NIGHT ..

Cheeea, another sleepless night .. 3days ina row and still creeping on me? Fuck, I think I needa get on that Tylenol shit, before bed, cos I can’t keep dealing with all this stress and bullshit. My headaches keep getting worse, my moodswings are disorientated, and my sleeping patterns are NOT healthy. I seriously have problems right now. I’ve been so worried to the point I’m worried about myself and my surroundings. I’m paranoid every sec, every minute, every day, every night. I don’t know if this is unusual, but it’s driving me crazy! I feel like somethings following me, when I’m at home alone. I have nightmares practically every single night .. I feel sick, and not the kind of sick that you’ll need your mom to take care of you, but the kind of sick where your “Mental” sick. At times I have these moments where I see things from a quick glance and sense a bad vibe. Call me crazy, but I’m trippen out like fuck. =l

NAHTT FEEELIN' IT TODAY

I feel sick to da dommme! My head hurts everytime I move, my tummy has these sharp pains every once inawhile, my back is killing me, and I think I’m getting my ragg soon. Ughhh, I feel like shit, and so outta place right now. Just started off with the 2nd semester, wasn’t that bad. Classes went by pretty fast and I didn’t even do shit. Schools passing by pretty fast, and without even knowing, it’ll be summer. I miss zeee boyfriend =( Friday is sucha long time from now .. SO, I made him take a sexy picture of him in his new boxers (;

So, today was the day I FINALLY realized, what life truely means. It can’t always be the way you wanted it to be. Never can, never will. You just gotta deal with it and MOVE ON cos there’s no point of holding onto whats already happened. I feel like this was all my fault, but not really. I also realized I should be thankful that no one got hurt and no charges were pressed, ‘cept the fact there’s some scratches and a dent. And how the fuck we suppose to come up with 6G’S?! WHAT A NICE WAY TO START THE NEW YEAR >:l

Wednesday:

ENGLISH 8AM-10AM

AVID 10AM-12PM

U.S 12PM-3PM

Thursday:

FRENCH 8AM-10AM

ART 10AM-12PM

Friday:

ALG.2 8AM-10AM

CHEM. 10AM-12PM

I’m sorry today couldn’t be special.. I’m sorry that I fucked things up over stupid shit. I’m always fucking up, and I never change. I’m sorry for not talking to you the entire day. It hurts me you know. To know that my ways aren’t always the best ways. We’ve been through alot. This is probabely the 2nd time we’ve fought this hard. It’s not healthy at all. Especially when this is my 2nd time fucking up. It was hard for me to look you straight in the eye and tell you that I’m sorry. Also hard for me to even talk to you afterwards. I feel like I’m not doing a good job as a girlfriend lately. I feel like I’m slowly failing my duty. I feel like shit. I cry my heart out and ask myself, “Why?” Why did I do this. Sometimes I feel like you can do so much better, and that you deserve someone else. Someone who won’t start up shit over the dumbest and littlest things. Someone who just excepts the truth and fact. Someone who won’t make you sad or cry. I try real hard, to change.. To change my habits. I’m scared that one day you’re gonna leave me, ‘cos you’ll be fed up with me. I’m scared that I might lose you ‘cos of ME. I don’t wanna make you feel like I’m pushing you away. I know I’ve been acting hella immature lately, but I really do apologize for that. I hate us fighting, I hate crying, I hate feeling like shit every other day. I know we still have a long way ahead of us and there’s still so much time. I want you to know that you mean absolutely everything to me, and that I love you with all my heart. I will never leave you because I’m madly inlove with you. I know I may not show it at times, but that’s ‘cos I’m still alittle scared. I just need you to understand that I’ve been through alot in the past and I don’t wanna deal with it again. But I want you to know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you and show you the finer things in life, because you’re the one who keeps me going on and on. Happy 8 months b, I LOVE you, I ALWAYS will ..

Reality check (Continued)

So I’ve come to realize that this year is going to be different. Everything is slowly coming to an end. And in just a matter of time, you’re LEGAL. I’m turning 17 soon, and I need to start thinking outside of the box.

1)Reality check, 2)School, 3)New years resolution

1) School’s tomorrow.. & my break JUST started. My mom finally stopped naggin’ and bitching at me about going out and on the regular basis. She hasn’t been talking to me since last week. Its HEAVEN. Been out ALOT this entire break. Didn’t do shit on New years, but s’ok. I’ve also realized that the year is going by pretty fast and that I only have 1 more year left of schoool! Also I’m turning 17 soon. YAY!

2) On the other hand .. FINALS is in a week.. So gotta study, study, study for that. Fuck, my sleeping pattern is fucked up. Been crashin’ around 1-2AM, til 12-1PM. Alll baddd. And waking up to 6AM again is gonna be a bitch. AHHHH! Fuck school, can’t wait to graduate and get up outta this bitttch! :) But anyyways. The new year started off good.

DOUGthePOWERFUL: well

DOUGthePOWERFUL: welcome back to SCHOOL

DOUGthePOWERFUL: where every mothafucker is sleep deprived

DOUGthePOWERFUL: except those squares that sleep at 9pm

DOUGthePOWERFUL: cause mommy said so

DOUGthePOWERFUL: haha

3) I’ve been working on my NewYears Resolution and there’s alot I wanna accomplish and stay committed to:

• Focus on school more
• Grow out my hair
• Get a job
• Gain some weight
• Exercise
• Learn to bake/cook
• Be organized
• Less bitchy, more assertive
• Be more appreciative
• Get my L’s
• Cut down on smoking DID THAT :)

& More to come.